Don Moses Comedy & Magic Blog - A light hearted look at life, comedy and magic.

Sunday, July 22nd, 2007 at 10:05 am

God

Today I am starting my very first real Blog. Pretty cool, eh? Of course, you do realise I have no idea what a “Blog” is. Well, more accurately, I don’t know the origins of the word, Blog. Wwaaiit a minute -What am I talking about? I could easily check that word out now, by using the brilliant search engine “Google” (not “Ask Jeeves” , as I am sure Ask Jeeves will eventually be the “Betamax of the Internet”). Oh! so that’s what Blog means; it is short for the word “weblog” – what clever nts.

That Google is great isn’t it, but I do have a problem with the Google search box. I find the Google search box to be a bit of a “stool pigeon”. You start putting in B for Blog and all sorts of previous searches drop down (a Venetian blind of shame in some households where the computer is shared – I have been told, obviously).

So, you are probably wondering, is there a God? I thought I would start with the easy topics first, then move on to whether the death penalty should be reintroduced for litter offences.

If there is a God, what kind of God do you think He / She / Cowell is?

My guess is a He. God is obviously a man – all the major religions have gone with this, and even though the level of multi-tasking required by God could only be done by a woman I am still going with the bloke God – sorry, Bloke God.

I think God would be massively impressed with the way the world has turned out. Think about it, we have communities living together in harmony with every thing from hospitals to social workers. Money is given to people who can’t work for one reason or another e.g. the ill -the infirm – the Jeremy Kyle audience. Have you seen the Jeremy Kyle show? – if you haven’t seen it, it is a daytime TV programme for people who think “Trisha” is a bit too classy. If you haven’t heard of Trisha – you most probably have a job. The teenage girls are the best on the JK show – they walk onto the stage as if getting pregnant at the age of 13 is the equivalent of splitting the atom – nobody should walk that confidently, not even Bill Gates at a school reunion. Focus Don, the topic remember. Oh yes, I think God would be very happy with the way things have turned out – I mean, when was the last time you coveted an oxen? Never – He has got to like that.

I suppose, He could also be the type of God who is very happy that people think so highly of Him, they worship Him (not sure about the wanting to kill in His name, though). But surely, God knows that there are some followers who are only “doing His work” because He is watching them (God’s full time job is watching us 24,7 – not like that lazy bastard Santa spying on his selective age group – which in this day and age is a bit creepy). The question is: would religious people behave if God’s CCTV cameras were off or at least not well supervised – as in a Homer watching the monitors at Mr. Burn’s Nuclear plant sort of way?

Or maybe God would be impressed with a person who lives their life in a secular way i.e. living a good life but with no religion. He could not get upset with that approach; surely this would ease His work load considerably. You would still be welcome to Heaven because of your good behaviour – you might have to fight it out in the Playoffs with the God botherers who let themselves down by doing a few bad things – like that bishop who got hammered.

I’d love to be bright enough to understand the concept of the soul or the even trickier (and in my opinion, logistically confusing) after-life. But really, if my wife had to explain the movie “fight club” to me three times before I got it, that Brad Pitt was Ed Norton – then really you are asking the wrong person.

So in short, I can’t help you with today’s topic of “Is there a God and what is he like?” – What am I talking about? Lets’ look it up on Google – I hear Wikipedia is also good.

Well that was my first Blog – sorry if I spoilt the end of Fight Club for you – but you should have really seen it by now.

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Don performs as a wedding magician, corporate entertainer, and after dinner speaker at events throughout the country. London Magician, Manchester Magician, Liverpool Magician, Birmingham Magician, Newcastle Upon Tyne Magician, Magician Surrey, Edinburgh Magician, Oxford Magician, Bristol Magician, Magician Milton Keynes, Leicester Magician, Leeds Magician, Magician Kent.