Don Moses Comedy & Magic Blog - A light hearted look at life, comedy and magic.

Monday, July 23rd, 2007 at 2:45 pm

Water Aerobics

Thank you if you read yesterday’s official start to my Daily Blog. Where did all that come from, Eh? I got a bit carried away with over 700 words. Just think of it as a new TV programme which starts with a double episode, then settles to a shorter format for the series.

In my Blog I will give you details of where I am sitting when writing these daily bits. Today for example I am at my gym in Sunderland. I hate gyms but this one has eight indoor tennis courts. Surely only a reincarnated hamster would use a treadmill. No, I play tennis, chasing a ball like the reincarnated idiot dog that I am, we laugh at those stupid hamsters. I would use the outdoor swimming pool but apparently throwing sticks in the water is deemed as horseplay.

We all have to do something to stay in shape I guess, but to me the water aerobics takes the biscuit (and most probably a little bit of cake for the ladies after they have finished their strenuous workout).

If you have not seen it, it is basically women talking to each other in the swimming baths.

You are in a pool
Is that too obvious?

After all, swimming uses every muscle in the human body. Strange isn’t it, this is one of those facts we all repeat without worrying if it is actually true. But don’t we have hundreds of facial muscles? Just a minute, when you are doing breast stroke (head above the water obviously) and someone splashes you, don’t you contort your face like Tom Cruise when he had that practical joke played on him with the timeless classic of water from pretend microphone. If you watch the video of Tom Cruise his natural reaction is to laugh immediately it is only afterwards he realises he may have been made to look a nob. It is only when he got offended that we thought he was a nob – best to go with your first reaction Tom. Anyway what I am saying is don’t try to mess with the “swimming uses every muscle in the human body” rule. God I do get sidetracked don’t I?

But water aerobics! I don’t think it will work. Their motto appears to be No Pain – that is pretty much it.

And because they are a certain age, they are supposed to consult a doctor first.

Like doctors are not busy enough, without these ladies bursting into surgeries saying, “Sure these people in the waiting room are ill, doctor, but I am thinking of moving from side to side in water, what do you think?”

Swimming baths there is your clue
It isn’t called “Swaying to the music of K.C. and the Sunshine Band” pool.
Some of these ladies are so unfit
They are doing YMCA in lower case
To me – It would only be exercise if you did it in the deep end.
Back on track, 500 words exactly.

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Don performs as a wedding magician, corporate entertainer, and after dinner speaker at events throughout the country. London Magician, Manchester Magician, Liverpool Magician, Birmingham Magician, Newcastle Upon Tyne Magician, Magician Surrey, Edinburgh Magician, Oxford Magician, Bristol Magician, Magician Milton Keynes, Leicester Magician, Leeds Magician, Magician Kent.