Don Moses Comedy & Magic Blog - A light hearted look at life, comedy and magic.

Tuesday, July 24th, 2007 at 9:54 am

Gym Work

Today, I am back at the gym (it is really a club but that always sounds too American). I am here trying to live up to my New Year’s Resolution of exercising every day and also because the café here is a good place for me to work on scripts. I love silence but I also like the challenge of filtering out ambient noise whilst still feeling included in the community. I really can’t multi task so this works well for me.

Two large ladies walk past and I say hello and smile. I do like to smile and chat with people at the gym – not on the Underground in London though, I am not a nutter. I remember going to London once and announcing on the tube that we don’t have coloured people in our village – I am not a racist, I was 11 and had only ever seen The Black and White Minstrel Show (ask your Dad).

The gym have installed a new flat screen TV just outside of the children’s play area showing the children playing in the soft play area in real time – I assume this is so the parents can check on their little precious whilst still enjoying the café culture of the gym. It looks like a very bad episode of Big Brother (or a normal one, come to think of it): I consider telling this lame observation to the bar staff, but think better of it.

The large ladies turn out to be a couple of new members (I knew they were, as they announced it in conversation with the bar staff). One of them uses too many words to order coffee – one of those long rambling “Starbucks induced” monologues – more than 3 words to describe your beverage is unforgivable. I sit back down with my adequate yet unadventurous “pot of tea”.

The café is quite full with people of all ages – some have been exercising, some just there for lunch. The ladies (in my opinion) order too much food, wildly over-estimating how many calories have been burnt off in their first training session (let us hope it wasn’t the water aerobics class!).

Needing to go to the toilet I have to work out, whether I should just leave all my equipment at the table or ask someone to guard it. In London of course you would stand at the urinal with all your worldly possessions strapped around you like a pack horse. But this is Sunderland – should I assume an implied honesty of club members not to nick my stuff: or do I show all these nice people that I don’t like the look of them by asking only the most honest looking person around to guard my kit (this being her reward for looking trustworthy). I take my chances and leave everything.

The toilet door has the symbol of a man on it. It is not the normal stick man symbol though – no, someone at the sign design factory has decided to drag the perfectly recognisable symbol of the stick man into the 21st Century and so more befitting of 60% of our population. This was the symbol of an obese person. If you haven’t seen these new signs imagine a ginger bread man, now stand on the middle of this ginger bread man thus flattening the middle region and there is this symbol – I look at the ladies sign it is even bigger (probably because of the dress) – I wonder what our new members will think.

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Don performs as a wedding magician, corporate entertainer, and after dinner speaker at events throughout the country. London Magician, Manchester Magician, Liverpool Magician, Birmingham Magician, Newcastle Upon Tyne Magician, Magician Surrey, Edinburgh Magician, Oxford Magician, Bristol Magician, Magician Milton Keynes, Leicester Magician, Leeds Magician, Magician Kent.