Don Moses Comedy & Magic Blog - A light hearted look at life, comedy and magic.

Friday, July 27th, 2007 at 8:12 am


7-58 a.m. an Early Start

Today, I am waiting in for the BT engineer.  8 a.m. until 1 p.m. is the time given.  The appointment was made 5 days ago, which sounds about right, as he will need that time to get over from India.  Actually, the engineer telephoned to confirm yesterday and he sounded like he was from Seaburn – I am really good at guessing accents and years ago I was easily able to geographically pin point the voice of that daft idiot who pretended to be the Yorkshire Ripper.  As you know, that voice was from a particular area of North Sunderland where they specialise in daft idiots.

Anyway, I must remember not to leave the house in case I miss the engineer in a Murphy’s Law* sort of way.   Do I dare put the bins out at the back at 8-02 a.m. only to find a card sticking in my letterbox saying “We used a sponge to knock on your door at 8-02 and 10 seconds and waited until 8-02 and 30 seconds – sorry we missed you – your business is important to us, and anyway it is not as if you have a proper job”.

So for the last 5 days we have had no internet on our two house computers – have I missed it?  The true answer – not really.  Not because I am chilled and flexible or even because I was harking to the days when I was a Luddite – no it is because I have everything backed up on my MDA* so using my OCD I can access it every 15 minutes.  I laugh at their BT exchange problems, it can never bring down DMC&M* (although to be fair, if it is my router which is faulty, I probably won’t be laughing too hard).

I was going to go to the gym today, as I am finding it easy to work there – but if the engineer is really late I might give it a miss.  I am sure I can work just as well from home.  And it is the school holidays, so the place will be packed with children (working as test pilots for new E numbers) and not just the usual large ladies with their delusional training programmes.

So while I wait I will use my time wisely and organise my bag prep and car prep for the weekend.  No problem to an organised person such as myself.  My car for example is arranged for all emergencies – first aid, owner’s manual, extra water and oil (and last week I had the airbags adapted to turn into a dinghy).  Next, I will match up my Sat Nav with all the hotel details as well as coordinating these details with the AA’s route planner’s accounts of how to get to the venues – it might seem a bit over the top but that story of me ending up in a field in Wrexham is true.

I am going to stop there, as there is a van outside with the same logo as my service provider – either this is a coincidence or it is the engineer.  He is tall and looks like that Irish actor who does the Yellow pages adverts – if only my neighbours were in I could point out to them that he does in fact look like James Nesbit, that’s the bloke.  The neighbours aren’t in as they have proper jobs.  A bit annoying really but then again that is Murphy’s Law I suppose.

*Below are your initial problems solved*:

*OCD stands for Only Checking Doors.  No it doesn’t, that was a joke (maybe I should get a proper job).  No OCD stands for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, which is when you are constantly tidying things or performing the same pointless activity over and over.    That reminds me I must take my big soap I don’t want to disturb the hotel displays.

*MDA stands for multimedia digital assistant – this is a chunky mobile phone with 2 sticks (in case you lose one) which you get to stab at the screen – a kind of voodoo for the 21st century.

* Murphy’s Law – this is the law that states that anything that can go wrong will go wrong.  Sometimes know as Sod’s Law – I prefer the more politically correct Murphy’s Law.

*DMC&M Don Moses Comedy and Magic: for details

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Don performs as a wedding magician, corporate entertainer, and after dinner speaker at events throughout the country. London Magician, Manchester Magician, Liverpool Magician, Birmingham Magician, Newcastle Upon Tyne Magician, Magician Surrey, Edinburgh Magician, Oxford Magician, Bristol Magician, Magician Milton Keynes, Leicester Magician, Leeds Magician, Magician Kent.