Don Moses Comedy & Magic Blog - A light hearted look at life, comedy and magic.

Tuesday, July 31st, 2007 at 9:30 pm

Mugging Anniversary

So tomorrow is the start of August, and August means Edinburgh and flyers. Oh yes, even if your Edinburgh show is about environmental problems, today, you had better be boarding the irony free express with your 10,000 leaflets warning us of global disaster ,“A humorous show with a poignant look at our ultimate demise” (3 stars: the vegetarian weakly) . Not a spelling mistake – thought you were ready for a play on words – ok you’re not.

This leafleting or flyers (bloody Americanism) must work, otherwise they wouldn’t do it. If you have been to the festival a few times I guess you would simply ignore the pushed in your hand flyers. Instead you would simply read the reviews in the Scotsman newspaper and/or speak to your friends about which shows they liked. Or because this is Edinburgh, you could even talk to the strangers in the queues for other shows. Oh yes it is OK, these people mostly read, so talking to new people is considered a novelty. Although be warned who you talk to at 2 a.m., as many years ago I was mugged quite severely on Princes’ Street.

I had been up to the proper festival (not the fringe) to see my friend from LA perform in “West Side Story” and I was in a great mood – life was good but about to change. I was walking with my girl friend at the time, when up ahead my two male friends were having their heads kicked in for being English. This was in the bad times before racism was eradicated in Scotland. My girlfriend screamed, which is always the point in the movie when the guy has to do something. Without missing a beat I ran up to the gang of 15 or so (not an exaggeration, I just did not stop to count). When I jumped in to the circle of violence, I immediately performed the first few moves of a Kata I had learnt from a Karate expert – Oh yes impressive stuff, fair to say, at this point I am sure my girlfriend was still my girlfriend, in fact I was probably being “earmarked” for promotion to possible father of her children. Their very first kick to “my town halls” probably had her reconsider the fathering bit. In hindsight since we had just seen West Side Story I might as well have approached side ways, crouching down and clicking my fingers in a hard man kind of dance which slightly lets itself down when you start with the (quite camp in my opinion) jazz hands. Anyway I didn’t. After that first kick it all went in slow motion. Slow motion was probably appropriate as my Karate was probably more like Tai Chi, considering how much lash we had all consumed. It was only when I was in hospital looking like a panda with tender “towns” that I thought, did I really expect them to run away after my ridiculous moves – I had seen it work for Bruce Lee in the movie Fists of Fury. Bruce Lee of course had a strict diet and never drank alcohol at all – we on the other hand had skipped two meals that day and taken full advantage of the relaxed Scottish Licensing Laws.

Just for the record I was the most badly injured out of the three of us. The other two had simply curled up in a ball and had only rib and hand damage. They never actually thanked me for distracting the assailants (listen to me assailants – I mean twats). But to me the impersonations my two friends did of me, to all our friends, for the next two years was high praise indeed.

I remember the very next day, walking to Waverley station and waving away my wavy haired girlfriend for the last time. Dignity could never be repaired to that level surely.

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Don performs as a wedding magician, corporate entertainer, and after dinner speaker at events throughout the country. London Magician, Manchester Magician, Liverpool Magician, Birmingham Magician, Newcastle Upon Tyne Magician, Magician Surrey, Edinburgh Magician, Oxford Magician, Bristol Magician, Magician Milton Keynes, Leicester Magician, Leeds Magician, Magician Kent.