Don Moses Comedy & Magic Blog - A light hearted look at life, comedy and magic.

Saturday, August 4th, 2007 at 12:26 am

CSI

Coffee again in a flask by my bedside – my wife must be planning something.  By the way it is not really Saturday morning.  I have a busy weekend coming up and won’t have time to write on Saturday so here I am writing in bed on Friday morning.

I am gigging down in Birmingham over the weekend and setting off shortly, today which is Friday, honestly.  Look I will post the blog just after midnight tonight, if that helps you.

One of the venues in Birmingham is new to me so I am hoping the Tom Tom (Sat Nav) is on form.  I must redo (the correct term is probably upgrade or something like download, I should really have done an IT course by now) its memory to stop it getting confused on that new stretch of the A1M.  For about 10 miles or so it just starts making up directions I can’t possibly take.  I shouldn’t complain as it is still a fabulous invention – in fact so good it is the only thing I remember from watching “Tomorrow’s World”, well that, and the old Sinclair C5 (amazingly that never caught on – we wouldn’t be talking about global warming now if we had all just sold our dignity and simply bought into Sir Clive’s vision of the future, would we? – No we all decided to be cool and have proper cars – we are such idiots).

Anyway, this job is so much easier now with the Sat Nav (although probably more time consuming if I were in a C5).  I love maps don’t get me wrong I could look at them all day – I just can’t follow them without wanting to walk my body around 180 degrees to even try to understand them.  It is no wonder my IQ score is well below genius level, it was the space awareness shapes that let me down (that is my story anyway).  I am also beginning to think I have a woman’s brain as I quite like asking for directions.  Although I do get mad when the people I ask, seem confused.  I have discovered that, “Look – you have a dog on a lead and a newspaper under your arm and it is in the radius of a quarter of a mile, you must know – think man think” is not a good thing to say to help them with the directions though.

The organiser of the gig at the new venue sounds a very nice fellow and quite posh.  He did insist on a contract being drawn up, which is quite unusual as emails back and forth is sufficient for most bookers (and also for me to change the colour on my outlook calendar). 
It is, of course no problem, as I simply make up the contracts myself, cutting to the chase with no legal jargon – it is basically, I show up and do stuff, they pay, it is not difficult.  I have faith in our legal system dealing in common sense not like the American system.  Their system works on, guilty, unless you are very rich and/or you provided us with entertainment in the 1970s and 80s, if OJ and MJ are anything to go by.  I know it is well out of date now, but in the OJ Simpson case the foreman of the jury must have returned with the words “Not Guilty on account of it is never the most obvious person who did it” – In a kind of clever ending to an episode of CSI – so clever in fact that Horatio’s sunglasses come off, he looks to the middle distance, then puts his sunglasses back on before walking off.
That reminds me I hope my wife doesn’t tape over my “Still Game” programme with her CSI – how many of those CSI murder scene dramas can she watch? I hope she is not planning something.

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Don performs as a wedding magician, corporate entertainer, and after dinner speaker at events throughout the country. London Magician, Manchester Magician, Liverpool Magician, Birmingham Magician, Newcastle Upon Tyne Magician, Magician Surrey, Edinburgh Magician, Oxford Magician, Bristol Magician, Magician Milton Keynes, Leicester Magician, Leeds Magician, Magician Kent.