Don Moses Comedy & Magic Blog - A light hearted look at life, comedy and magic.

Wednesday, August 8th, 2007 at 6:31 pm

A Clunky Novel

Well first of all thank you, if you did read yesterday’s “catch up” bit of nonsense.  The title was “Nothing” (a big clue there, I think) so I assume your expectations of a great blog were fairly low anyway.  You may have guessed from yesterday that I am not a fan of Eastenders – if you watch such shows, what are you doing with your life? – it is bad enough you are reading this.  No, you should be outside playing sport in the fresh air or at least bowling on your new Wii with the patio door open.

You are probably wondering if this daily blog is helping me in anyway come up with new material for my act.  Oh by the way, I will get around to reading your emails and posting them on the blog page – I just have to find out how to do that (I will probably do it tonight after Corrie – argh got you).  So is the blog helping, or is it, my best ever excuse for not exercising early in the morning?  Well, it does make me look at life, in order to come up with something to say in the blog .  So I am constantly more aware of the minutiae of life – that’s right, the insignificant things which are quite rightly overlooked by normal people with jobs.

Let me see if I can give you an example.  The other day I noticed a sign on the A19 which read “tractors slow down”.   I thought, don’t tell them that – I think that is what is holding us up now.  I would not use it as material, but it is making me think a different way (yes a life threateningly different way I grant you).  A bit like the sign “slow children ahead” outside a special school (rub it in why don’t you)*.  I also play around with ideas which are so politically incorrect I could never use – such as: 1977 lots of bullying – only one fat kid in the class,  the year 2007 no bullying etc

I am even starting to notice good things (which probably have no comedy value at all).  For example, I was in the Woodall services’ toilets – they were incredibly clean and they had a plethora of hand driers (the powerful type, not like the “need a towel after 3 minutes of drying” pathetic ones) .  They have only won an award – they had an “Egon Ronay style” certificate stating “Loo of the Year”, then in small print – valid until 31st December 2006.  They had not slipped in their standards as I assume they did not want to be beaten by that Tibshelf bunch and were striving to be on the “Roll of honour” for 2007 (like I said probably no comedy value at all).

These blogs take me one hour to do – they are always over 500 words.  If there are any English Teachers out there, without showing you the maths here (you will just have to believe me) it would take a year to write a novel.  Ok, so my novel would be reviewed as very clunky unless I was able to pull together 365 story endings in a “pulp fiction” coming together kind of a way (that isn’t going to happen by the way).   But it is food for thought for you, unless you are too busy watching Eastenders.

*credit to Jimmy Carr

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Don performs as a wedding magician, corporate entertainer, and after dinner speaker at events throughout the country. London Magician, Manchester Magician, Liverpool Magician, Birmingham Magician, Newcastle Upon Tyne Magician, Magician Surrey, Edinburgh Magician, Oxford Magician, Bristol Magician, Magician Milton Keynes, Leicester Magician, Leeds Magician, Magician Kent.