Don Moses Comedy & Magic Blog - A light hearted look at life, comedy and magic.

Sunday, August 19th, 2007 at 11:40 am

“Specialising down”

My wife has made me swear not to confront youths on trains (or anywhere else).  I used to teach in schools and colleges and feel I know how to talk to youngsters.  I should actually say, I used to know, how to talk to youngsters.  The reason I say this, when I was teaching I would always talk to them in a friendly fashion (as if I were talking to an adult), but I am not sure that works today.  These youths were definitely on drugs, and rationality tends to go out of the window when the brain is unbalanced.  That word unbalanced is the clue actually.  The modern world to a child can be very unbalanced if there is no parental discipline (showing the other sides to life).

Years ago we watched TV which catered for everyone.  This meant you had to sit through Panorama and Bruce Forsyth (imagine that Bruce Forsyth on a Saturday night) on the London Palladium before your Cowboys and Indian film (yes, kids do like to play with guns, in moderation).  There was a balance, all be it a tedious one, which taught us tolerance for others and delayed gratification.  Ok there was a rumour that if you played your Black Sabboth records backwards a voice said “kill your parents” but nobody ever found out (although many a “state of the art” HiFi was broken trying).

Nowadays you can “home in on” any topic, either legal or illegal – you only have to look at the very narrow range of questions contestants on Mastermind chose as their specialist topics to appreciate this fact.  The internet has given us the ability to focus in on the things that interest us, to the exclusion of others.  Ok it is quite harmless in Mastermind, but not so harmless in the outside world.

If you can learn a foreign language using headphones when you are awake (and according to many accounts, subconsciously, when you are asleep) how much damage is being done by listening to 400 hours of gangster rap (glamorizing “killing a person, to see how it feels”) on your ipod, day after day.  It is rhetorical.

Ok this is getting a bit heavy and maybe if you are reading this and you are a Company Director wanting to book me for a corporate event – you probably don’t want to think about what your 15 year old son and his Goth friends are getting up to.  So let’s get some BALANCE here, by me telling you a joke.  Better still, I have a joke book on the shelf here – why don’t I stick my finger in the book and read the first joke it lands on  – that seems a much better idea than me pacing up and down shouting “come on you’re a comedian, think man think”.

Ok this is for real – even if it is rubbish I will still tell you it – first attempt only – here goes- right, And my finger has landed on this one – Page 151,  – Enjoy!
The title of the lists of jokes on this page is “Education: Dumb Exam Answers”

So here goes:

Use the word “diploma” in a sentence: “our pipes were leaking so my dad called diploma”

Yes we were lucky, that was a good one, and has certainly lifted the mood.  I am also thinking that Anglo Italians find the joke even funnier.  Although on a pedantic level, I have never seen that question on an actual exam paper – in fact I am beginning to think it is just a contrived joke, which sounds funnier because it could actually be true to life.  A bit like the classic joke concerning the word “contagious” – the punchline of which is about the painting of a house and a not very nice person taking a long time to do it.  I am not spelling it out for you.
Anyway I can’t hang around I have to learn my “haircuts of Jennifer Aniston 1994 to present day”.

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Don performs as a wedding magician, corporate entertainer, and after dinner speaker at events throughout the country. London Magician, Manchester Magician, Liverpool Magician, Birmingham Magician, Newcastle Upon Tyne Magician, Magician Surrey, Edinburgh Magician, Oxford Magician, Bristol Magician, Magician Milton Keynes, Leicester Magician, Leeds Magician, Magician Kent.