Don Moses Comedy & Magic Blog - A light hearted look at life, comedy and magic.

Saturday, September 1st, 2007 at 9:56 am

Don can’t come to the blog right now

Hi, Rob the decorator here.  Don can’t come to the blog right now, what with it being the weekend.  He said, he was going to give a lecture on escapology and he couldn’t get out of it.  “Sniff, sniff” that smells like a joke, no just the emulsion, but I think he was trying to be funny –  quite good really, no wonder Don can command such exorb, exorba, sorry about this, as you can tell I am not used to standing in for Don.  Wait a minute, these computers have a spell check, exorbitant – there you go.  Blimey this blog thing is easy; I don’t even need to spell correctly.  My job as a decorator is much more difficult, I mean, if I put the wallpaper on the wrong side down (believe me that anaglypta can be a bastard) I can’t just press “undo”.

Actually, I shouldn’t complain too much, as Don did hold the ladders on the exterior of the local Chinese restaurant “Wok this way”.
I seem to be getting a lot of those types of jobs recently; for example last week I did the flock wallpaper in the Indian restaurant “Balti Towers” and also did the graphics on the side of a minibus called “PG Trips”.  And last year I was flown standard *class to Dublin, to redo the sign, for the magician who owns the Greek takeaway shop “Abracadabra”.  I can’t believe it, I have just been overruled by the “Spell check” – I make the decisions, I wanted to say Abra Kebab ra – get it? 

The guy who owns the Abra-kebabra (lets see how “spell check” deals with a hyphen) wishes he hadn’t called it this name though, as he gets a lot of drunks.  Their favourite gag is saying “Now you see it, now you don’t” (magicians of course never tire of such comments** and laugh heartily as a rule, I would imagine) anyway, at this point the drunk eats all of the kebab in one go.  He then promptly throws it up (Da darrr, a very messy prestige).  That has got to wear thin after a while, for the proprietor.  Next door at “Chews carefully” restaurant they have no such nonsense.

Anyway, I have been drafted in, to touch up the paintwork.  Well that is the pretext, actually Don has left a list of jobs for me to complete; you know the kind of thing, fence repairs, shaving bottoms of doors etc.  I am almost sure that Don will convince his wife that he actually did the jobs himself.  Yes this is exactly the kind of thing he would do.  He is really not very handy and he sands like a girl.  I had to re-sand after his poor prep on the “Breakfast at Timothy’s” roadside caravan kitchen job.

Got to go now; I must say, it has been a pleasant change standing in for Don.  I suppose comedy is a bit like painting: it is all in the preparation and you should always have a great finish, however, if people are laughing at you, you probably just have undercoat on your nose.
*I am not sure what an upgrade is, however, the Ryan air stewardess did drop two bags of peanuts.  Result: peanuts F.O.C.
**I would also imagine that magicians love it, when you say to them, “Can you make my wife disappear?” – Why not try it next time you see a magician.

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Don performs as a wedding magician, corporate entertainer, and after dinner speaker at events throughout the country. London Magician, Manchester Magician, Liverpool Magician, Birmingham Magician, Newcastle Upon Tyne Magician, Magician Surrey, Edinburgh Magician, Oxford Magician, Bristol Magician, Magician Milton Keynes, Leicester Magician, Leeds Magician, Magician Kent.