Don Moses Comedy & Magic Blog - A light hearted look at life, comedy and magic.

Friday, December 14th, 2007 at 12:15 pm

I am a Darwinist

I believe we came out of the sea.
Yes, I have just picked up the newspaper to see John Darwin, the Hartlepool / Panama resident (very strong arms) is still news.  People are already saying his life is in ruins.  No, not at all, this is England, a place, were doing something wrong is the best publicity in the world.  The general public are such idiots and will always buy newspapers and lap up such stories, just like I am doing now.  No, in my opinion, he has come back to England because he has spent the insurance money and is now trying to cash in on the lucrative corporate after dinner entertainment circuit, stealing the work from honest comedy magicians.  Well, I can tell you Mister Darwin it is “survival of the fittest” out there.  Ok, that is quite enough tenuous word play on his name.  It is a strange case though isn’t it?  I wonder why he did it.  Was the thought of living in Hartlepool for the rest of his life too much for him?  Where did he get the idea from?  I suppose we will never know.  I wonder if just writing a blog now I could solve this riddle.

Anyway, it is first thing in the morning – when I say first thing, I mean 9:15 a.m. obviously.  I am staying over in the hotel in which I will be performing tonight, so I have the whole day to myself, and therefore should be able to manage to write at least one blog entry, surely?

It’s a crisp day; cold but the air is still, and so perfect for my new fitness programme.  After a great breakfast (very good hotels rarely mess up on breakfast) I will work on my stand up comedy script for a company dinner at the weekend, then I will go for a walk, followed by a swim and steam at the Hotel’s Leisure Club, then prepare for this evening’s gig.  What could possibly go wrong with that plan? – hold on a minute “to buy or not to buy” is on the telly.

OK, now I am now running late, so I will go for the walk first, to see if I can observe anything on my travels which will switch my brain into comedic mode; so that when I get back I can go straight into my script for Saturday’s gig.  Now that’s a plan.

The hotel is called the confusing name of the Slough / Windsor Marriott.  It is a strange name for a hotel – I am guessing it is actually in Slough, but the hotel wanted to jazz up the title by adding the Windsor bit, so making it less Ricky Gervais’ office and more somewhere the Queen would stay. 

Anyway, outside the hotel I find myself strangely in a place called Langley.  Now, I have always thought that Eastenders was rubbish and not at all reflective of live in the Capital.  I am not wrong, it is rubbish, but Langley does have a plethora of small shops and greasy cafes (much like Eastenders) where people seem to know each other and speak Cock in knee (yes, that is how you spell it, and the spell check agrees – so shut it you slag!– sorry, just the thought of Eastenders does that to me). 

Visiting and walking around the various parts of the UK, I often wonder why some shops thrive and others don’t; I guess it is really to do with the proximity of their nearest Supermarket.  In the North of England, because there is more land we have lots of Supermarkets, and therefore our small village shops are very “hitty missy” with virtually no cafes and yet many charity shops.  There is always that strange incongruent mix of shops too (a bit like the shoe repair shops that also cut keys).  Today, I saw a bookies’ shop which was right next door to a firm of divorce lawyers, which makes sense I suppose, and not as strange as that life insurance and canoe shop I saw in Hartlepool.  Hey wait a minute…..

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Don performs as a wedding magician, corporate entertainer, and after dinner speaker at events throughout the country. London Magician, Manchester Magician, Liverpool Magician, Birmingham Magician, Newcastle Upon Tyne Magician, Magician Surrey, Edinburgh Magician, Oxford Magician, Bristol Magician, Magician Milton Keynes, Leicester Magician, Leeds Magician, Magician Kent.