Don Moses Comedy & Magic Blog - A light hearted look at life, comedy and magic.

Saturday, February 16th, 2008 at 5:47 pm

Even Steven (part two)

So, if you remember from yesterday, I was in fear of my best laid plans being sabotaged.  Well, one London train had been cancelled and so now the passengers of two London trains had to fit onto my London train, with seat allocation no longer applying.  And more bad news, the train was only going to Darlington and then they are “laying on” coaches to take us to York.  But surely my plans (being meticulous) would obviously allow for this delay.  You see what I mean about pride before a fall?

The train was very crowded so I decide to stand, as it was only until Darlington and I had luggage.  You know that train announcement which says “Can you make sure you have all of your possessions with you” well I think this lady on the train had taken this literally and gone home to get everything she owned.  We all had to help her with her  stuff (I mean stuff not just suitcases) but we forgave her, as her babies were cute and well behaved. 

Some people overreacted to being inconvenienced but most were, as the youngsters say, cool with it (get your own words and hairstyles will you).  Some people had mentioned the words, nightmare and disaster on their mobiles, but come on, it wasn’t either of those– it just means we will be late, so what, there are loads of things worse than being late.

When we got to Darlington (and were standing on a ramp in an orderly queue) some people, realised they were going to miss their connections and so had started to complain to the officials, who were all doing their best and ushering us onto the coaches. 

Then, out of nowhere, appeared a very large lady.  She was walking up the other ramp away from us with her low slung jeans slipping down to her thighs and so exposing her bottom and her thong.  Let’s just say, the tail of the whale was well out of the water.  It was as if is someone was cramming two world globes into a very small bag.  I don’t know why it was such an amusing sight, but it was.  The people who were complaining to the officials actually saw this bizarre vision before everyone else and started to smile very broadly (they were English and so they stopped short of laughing).  We (the non-complainers, who were being nosey and were listening to and watching the complainers) could not understand why anyone complaining should start to smile mid-sentence, I mean it made no sense.  Then, of course, we spotted the slipping fashion faux pas.  We all started to smile.  I remember the officials looking at us all very strangely, half smiling themselves as if to say “What, have I got a bit of snot?”

Maybe the Middle East situation could be resolved with a little hilarity caused by something similar to the lady with slipping pants.  Although in hindsight (get it?) the Gaza strip is not as exciting as it sounds and the people there are not known for their love of expanses of flesh.

Then came the announcement that we could all get compensation as our train is going to be really late.  The announcement was as follows: “passengers who feel they have been inconvenienced by the delay in our service today, can claim by picking up a compensation form, unfortunately we have no forms left”.  Even the people who hadn’t smiled at the unfortunate lady smiled at that one.

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Don performs as a wedding magician, corporate entertainer, and after dinner speaker at events throughout the country. London Magician, Manchester Magician, Liverpool Magician, Birmingham Magician, Newcastle Upon Tyne Magician, Magician Surrey, Edinburgh Magician, Oxford Magician, Bristol Magician, Magician Milton Keynes, Leicester Magician, Leeds Magician, Magician Kent.