Don Moses Comedy & Magic Blog - A light hearted look at life, comedy and magic.

Tuesday, December 2nd, 2008 at 10:36 am

The Very Best of God

I recently watched an episode of Alan Partridge where Alan was asked for his favourite Beatles Album.  Alan replied with, “The Best of the Beatles”.  (Hold on, I have just found the clip on youtube – have a look, it is very funny.)

To someone my age, it is hilarious because as a teenager that answer would have been so uncool (by the way, saying “uncool” years ago was something your mum would say, and so was very uncool).  As schoolboys, we all had our set answers to such questions, e.g. “Beatles? – that’s easy White Album”, “Bob Dylan? got to be Blonde on Blonde”, etc.

Alan’s answer, although uncool, is probably the most logical and yet childlike answer to the question.  So, why am I mentioning this?  Well, the other night I was in Manchester in a lovely hotel watching a lovely hotel in India under siege.  I thought to solve this problem, we should really just have one religion for Planet Earth.  We should get all the different world religions around a table and come up with “The Very Best of God”; a compilation of all His best stuff from over the years.

You are probably saying, “No Don, the dispute is not over religion, it is about border disputes”.  Bull-poopoo, I live on a border, but I have never read a Berwick newspaper with the headline “Englishman gunned down for wearing “see-you Jimmy” hat.

No, we have got to get around a table and iron this thing out once and for all.  We need to agree on, and vote in, all the very best bits of every religion*.  I would love to hear the negotiations from that meeting:

“Well, ten is a suspiciously round number, can’t we at least upgrade “the coveting of the neighbour’s oxen” to Tractor style lawnmower?”
“You do realise, that after two and half months they wouldn’t still be virgins?, just so long as you know”.

Yes, then, and only then, can we united as a planet and start to build up hatred for aliens from far off galaxies; yeah we hate you, you stupid green bastards.

Of course, that is my opinion, I could be wrong.

*Best not invite Scientists; we don’t want the meeting to go on too long.  Also, best not ask Richard Dawkins for the same reason (ironically, I haven’t read “The God Delusion” as I don’t want to be indoctrinated by a book).  I notice that Amazon are able to deliver the book before Christmas; I am sure this is important to the recipient.

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Don performs as a wedding magician, corporate entertainer, and after dinner speaker at events throughout the country. London Magician, Manchester Magician, Liverpool Magician, Birmingham Magician, Newcastle Upon Tyne Magician, Magician Surrey, Edinburgh Magician, Oxford Magician, Bristol Magician, Magician Milton Keynes, Leicester Magician, Leeds Magician, Magician Kent.