2010 I really thought I would be in a motorised flying suit by now or at least have a hoverboard (like Michael J Fox in the movie “Back to the future”).

So a New Year has begun, will it be full of promise, like a beautiful lady’s smiling eyes that shine with the potential of things to come?  Who knows?

All I know is this year I have decided I will make more effort in everything I do, and I will not miss out on new experiences which could lead me to, well, new experiences.  Well let’s see if that happens Ehh?

Anyway, last night (New Year’s Eve) I had two gigs and yet still managed to get to a friend’s party by 11:45 pm.  The snow was thick and beautiful (please insert your own blonde analogy, I am too tired, it was a late night) so after many drinks we obviously had to have a snowball fight.  I am a big fan of the snowball fight but not the snow down back of collar (a torture technique used by the Russians during the cold war – I may be wrong, I didn’t have the best history teacher in the world).  Anyway, what I am trying to say, is, the first thing I did in 2010 was play snowballs; how great is that?

The snow reminds me I am going ski-ing in the Alps later in the month, with my good friend Charlie Bentley and some other friends of Charlie’s who will be great people otherwise Charlie would not have them as friends.  I said I would go as mid January is never too busy for me and also because it sounds great and a newish experience.  Ski-ing, beers, French food, sun-bathing outside of mountain restaurants, laughing because you can’t get out of deep snow after you crash in full view of ski lift queue, European women smoking yet still looking sexy, beautiful chalets, I’ll stop there should I, just in case you are not going ski-ing.

One down side is that if you have two gigs in one night you are sometimes on stage thinking “did I just repeat that gag on stage now or was that the earlier gig?”  By the way I am not showing off there, I rarely get two gigs in one night and if I do, I would prefer to pass the gig on to a colleague (most likely Matt as he gave me the Manchester United gigs), in case I am rushing between gigs in December weather.

December is, usually, wrongly feared for its threatening weather but as a rule it tends to be a good month: mild with non raining, grey clouds; like living in a Tupperware box.  But not this year, it is “furkin freezing”.

I have been lucky with the weather; I have travelled in very heavy snow, especially around London, but I always seem to be on my way to a gig with less snow than the previous one.

On a different note, I have decided on my volunteer work; to escape this bad weather it will be in Trang, a Southern province in Thailand, where I will be teaching English to all ages (this is because I do miss my teaching and mainly because Thailand has some great diving beaches for my time off when I finish my volunteer work – oh yes I am that shallow).  Now if I can just get around to booking it.

Also, I think this idea of me travelling to foreign lands is encouraging me to be brave.  Only the other day I tried some new material out at a comedy club; it bombed (it was a “try out new material” evening and not a corporate gig) – but that is good, it means I am not scared to try out new material.  I could’ve convinced myself they never heard the punchline but in all honesty I think they did – so no self delusion.  I will simply try it again, and if it “dies on its arse”, I may edit down the number of words – it may be in the rhythm.  Also, I must remember to give it the confidence all new material needs; you have got to believe in it and sell it to the audience.

Anyway, as we build for Christmas, I would like to thank the following companies who have booked me recently for the Christmas period:

Comedy and Magic Manchester and Lancashire

Manchester United Football Club

Think Magic

Lowry

Renaissance Manchester

Hotel Smokies Park Lancashire

Liverpool magician; Liverpool corporate entertainment

Sefton Park Palm House Liverpool

Angel Solutions Liverpool

Crown Plaza Liverpool

Aintree Liverpool

Hillbank Hotel Wirral

South of England comedy and magic and Corporate entertainment in London

Royal Institute of British Architects

Fredricks Hotel Maidenhead

Brother

The Ivy

Oakley Hall Park Basingstoke

Sheraton Skyline Hotel and conference centre Heathrow London

Bristol Marriott

O2

Sledge

Kingsway Hall London

Hawkwell House Hall Oxford

Oxford Belfry

Birmingham magician (and midlands generally)

NEC

Opal

Berrow Court

The Belfry

North East of England i.e Magician Newcastle, Magician Sunderland and Magician Yorkshire and Scotland magician

Ramside Hall Durham

Seaham Hall Durham

Durham Castle Durham

Little Haven South Shields magician

Newcastle Falcons Rugby Newcastle magician

Newcastle Marriott Newcastle comedy and magic

Prestonfield house Hotel Edinburgh

I am still looking into travelling abroad in 2010; if you have read my last two blogs you will know this.  I guess my problem is, I always do a lot of research on projects such as travel, however, with too much research comes more decision making (sometimes less is more).

December is my busiest and most exciting month of the year so I have decided to go travelling in the New Year, in my slack time (end of February and all of March).  Well let’s see if that actually happens, Ehh?

I am looking forward to December, it is a fabulous month for people in my business; it is why we are in the corporate entertainment field.  This is a classic case of more is better.  It is never about the money (although this can be a very lucrative time of year) it is about getting back to back gigs.  Stage time confidence improves greatly with back to back gigs and so does your close up magic at the parties; you are simply in the groove.

If you ride a bike fast the steering is effortless, this is what it is like performing back to back gigs night after night.  If you ride a bike very slowly, well, this is what is like to not have enough gigs, it is just a bit more difficult and you are never as comfortable.

Yes you can get cocky and go too fast with your hands off the handlebars and you end up in a heap and that can happen too.  Embarrassment stops me giving you any more detail, but I think you get the picture.

So I have been looking into helping out by doing some overseas voluntary work; this would give me the opportunity to learn a language and obviously the chance to perform there.  Well, I have given it some real thought but just when I think I’ll go I get a great gig (or series of gigs in this case) comes in which really excites me (see below):

The only thing I don’t really enjoy about what I do (I was going to call it my work but both you and me know it is not work if you love doing it) is, “alone time”; with some many gigs you are by yourself travelling and then waiting around, again by yourself, for the gig to start (yes you are right, poor me).

So, the very best gigs are when you meet up with colleagues and travel to the gig together and chat afterwards.  How great is this for a gig; Manchester United’s home games, corporate entertainment in Old Trafford’s function rooms: meeting the players, performing close up magic for two and a half hours – then while the match is on, we get to have a meal and watch the game; a bit more close up magic at half time and then further showing off for another hour after the game, then we go for a drink – and we get paid.  So I would like to thank my good friend and colleague Matt – so Thanks Matt http://www.magicmatt.co.uk

Yes that is a link to Matt’s site and I urge you to book him for your next corporate function (well if I am busy obviously).

So gigs have been similar this year, but excitingly different too, what with the move to Liverpool.  I have mentioned before that Liverpool people are very much like Geordies so they are very easy to befriend, especially after beers.  So, I now have a number of good friends who feel comfortable taking the piss out of me (the benchmark test of any friendship).

A top tip for moving to a new area is to join a club; I know it sounds all “jolly hockey sticks” but really, it is a good way of learning the geography and making new friends; it was the first thing I did when I arrived.  In fact, I have travelled to nearly all parts of the North West of England with my successful tennis team (we won the league in 2009).  I would have loved to say we stayed up late drinking beer and champagne but No, apparently the matches are on weekdays so they (doctors, computer types etc) had to be up early the next day – bloody losers, I mean what is the point of winning if you can’t get hammered – in fact, I take it back you are not like Geordies at all.

You would think I would be sick of travelling now, but strangely I have a childlike love to travel; anywhere.  I love the whole bag prep for the journey; the weeding down to the lightest of suitcases, everything.  Going to gigs, days out, tennis matches or holidays, I can’t get enough of it.  In fact recently I have started to get “itchy feet” and have started to dream of foreign travel; performing in a country whilst at the same time learning a new language; it just seems very challenging and exciting; so watch this blog ehh?

I am a Sunderland fan, however, I didn’t really relish the Schadenfreude of the last day of the season when Newcastle and Middlesbrough were relegated.

The Sunderland fans did take particular delight in their parochial hatred of Newcastle, which I can’t say I am too proud of, being a Mackem myself.  So, it was good to see the North East as a region get together in their respect for Sir Bobby Robson who died today.

This picture was taken last year when I was performing my after dinner comedy set at the Ramside Hall Durham.  Sir Bobby was very charming and laughed in all the right places during my act.  We need more people like Sir Bobby – I have just realised, it sounds like I need more people to laugh at my act – anyway you know what I mean.  He was a great man and he will be sadly missed.

Super confident people have always fascinated me – by super confident, obviously, I mean arrogant.  Mohammed Ali was like a jolt of colour on our puny black and white giant dice shaped tellies; tellies which had previously only broadcast gentlemen news readers with home county accents.  And then there was Eric with his karate kick and seagull trawler analogy, which strangely did not confuse me at all.  I even like super confidence when it over shadows the talent slightly as in Robbie Williams.

We mere mortals would think first but not these guys.  By acting so spontaneously their names are forever remembered, even when years later they apologise for their actions (I presume Robbie will do soon).

I know from my last two months that people may help you, but ultimately life’s answers will come from yourself.

As I said I don’t know anything about the movie but I am assuming the guy in the film sorts himself out and Eric is just the catalyst, because that is how life operates.

Just saw the film last night, Eric Cantona was fabulous, as was Justin Moorhouse (a stand up comedian from the North West of England) – won’t spoil it for you; but very good 5 stars).

As I mentioned in my news, Scousers are very much like Geordies, they don’t put up with nonsense; when I ask in Tescos, if they have tofu, I want that look of disdain, as if I have watched too many Fraisers on Comedy Central.  I also love their Geordie type humour and friendly rivalry; for example, a new shop for Everton Football Club merchandise is opening in the trendy new Liverpool One shopping centre, it is called Everton Two  just so the address will read Everton 2 Liverpool 1.  Great stuff; ranks up there with the Sunderland shirt on the Jackie Milburn statue in Newcastle.

As my friends know, we have moved for my wife’s job, and geographically, I am finding it pretty good for my travel in the UK; my diary is now filling up with bookings in the North West (so I am a North West Magician working mainly Manchester, Liverpool and Birmingham).  Having said that my diary was already full of gigs back in the North East of England so I am still travelling back to be a North East Magician, as well as to London to be a London magician / comedian (I do know I am over-explaining, but it helps with the Google searches apparently).

April and May have not been my best months – now, I do know there is a magazine industry out there which is based on bad things happening to people, however, I am not famous, so I won’t bore you with the details.  And as I get older I prefer to ignore bad news and try to be upbeat, as I do know that other people have problems too, and these people are probably not even interested in my testing times.  W.H. Auden explained this best in his poem “Musee des Beaux Arts” when he pointed out: that’s how personal tragedy often goes: unnoticed and uncommented upon. YOUR life-defining moment is someone else’s incidental backdrop.

I really do have to stop watching Fraiser.

Anyway, you probably want to know the answer to every thing in life.  Well, the answer is perspective: don’t forget to donate to global angels.

Travelling around the UK, as I do, I tend to vary my accommodation (and on occasions I will “push the boat out” so to speak).  Recently, I was in the North West of England and decided to stay at a cross between a top hotel and a luxury apartment.  The lounge area alone made me feel a bit special; 5 stars living, indeed.

Now, before you think “Oh hark at him, lardee dah” I should point out that this was an end of tax year treat to me.  I have saved the country a fortune by staying with friends in London (if I had stayed in London hotels, the hotel costs could have been offset from my profit and I would have been able to pay less tax – a kind of Jacqui Smith’s husband in reverse).  Not to mention the savings the country made by my booking early on £29 travelodge rooms (which by the way are not great, sometimes very cold and more often than not have a dubious hair behind the door).  Ok, that is enough justification for one blog.

Anyway, I finished my prep for the gig (it was a Thursday night and my gig was on the Friday evening, however, I also had an early Friday morning meeting with a company for an exhibition project later in the year, so I wanted to be fresh) and I went to sleep at 11pm (oh yes rock and roll).

 At just past midnight I was woken by a noise from the next room.  No problem, I’ll just go back to sleep – I thought.  1:13am more noise this time much louder; the voices (there were a lot of them) I noticed, were Eastern European.  Again, I thought, it is not too late, and surely these guys will “turn in” shortly; my stereotyping had kicked in and I now imagined them to be plumbers crammed into one room to save money.  3:34am more noise; I was hacked off. 

Now, what you have to understand about Geordies is that one minute we are all “Ant and Deckish”, the next minute we just want to deck someone; think, Cheryl Cole reading The News of the World.  So, I got changed and went out in the corridor; their door was open.

Inside the room there were about 12 guys playing cards and, strangely, one bloke standing next to the door.  “Hey, lads, could you keep the noise down” I said firmly but friendly.  The guy at the door said a very loud NO, to which I replied “You ****ing what pal?

The largest guy stood up and walked to the door.  Unbelievably, I was still furious at the guy at the door and not the least bit scared.  Obviously, “extinction of the stupid” had overridden “survival of the fittest” as my default setting for danger (read this blog to find out how this has got me into trouble in the past).  Luckily for me, the guy was very calm and apologised for the noise and claimed “they would keep it down”.

The next day I asked reception for either a refund or a night in lieu (I was returning to the North West the next week, so, either option was good for me).  They offered me the latter and they also apologised for the guys who were the Cirque du Soleil troupe who all had separate rooms and had been winding down from their gig in Liverpool.

Thinking back, I am glad that I kept my voice down when I rang reception after the altercation with the guys in case they were holding a tumbler to the wall (…think about it..Oh come on, that was a good one!).